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wild_selenite_caffeine
Jun 25, 2022
In Poems
i braided lilies on my arms thinking blissfully, foolishly that it could replace my veins with beauty and purity and one day bloom i was still in love, and i believe i was not to blame i didn’t want to think or remember your name for it rots and decays where my heart once stayed severed from the source, scarified, and left to scorch my eyes withered with these tainted petals under foreign burning lights This poem is also posted on my Tumblr, for the Sapphic June poetry challenge. Also, tried the indented version of how I post my poems, let me know if you prefer this one or the plain text version!
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wild_selenite_caffeine
Jun 24, 2022
In Short Stories
Pairing: Takuto Maruki x Rumi (TakuRumi | Persona 5 Royal) Words: 1786 Warnings: Death Summary: Takuto visits Rumi's grave on the final day of his Palace's existence. He tells her all his what ifs, before he lets his heart be broken. The daylight arrived as such intricately woven threads of gold. Takuto’s eyes shot open, polished amber in the first rays of dawn and burned with an everlasting flame. Something familiar filled the sky, bouncing from each scattered sheet of paper on the white tiled floor. Something he hadn’t seen in a long time, playing tricks through the glass panes above his eyes. Sunlight. It sauntered in, igniting every gap to vivid warm hues and flowing through the leaves adorning his window. Slowly, his body registered the thin sheets underneath him, as well as the patches of cold through his suit. He could almost seep into the colorless floor, blending in with his surroundings. However, a heavy breath escaped his chest; there was no use in pinching himself. The mourning replaced his thoughts, nothing it dragged along separating it from any other. But the day that brought it to his doorstep invoked a sense of familiarity, hidden beneath the ignorance he wished he could cling to further. Takuto raised himself from the floor. The sun had spread a blanket of mist the dusk had left behind. The crickets had ceased their chirping and made way for the birds to begin their calls. Golden light cloaked the room, but faded as Takuto composed himself. A hum left trembling lips; it was a wondrous sight for anyone lucky to witness. For a moment, he considered the thought that another person had awoken as early as he did. However, whilst he turned away from many windows where the light seeped in, he forced the thought away. Even if there was one, they were just as lost as the dreary townsfolk lost in their own happiness. The heels of his shoes made soft thuds on the tiles, beats of gentle applause of each step. The people entering and exiting the hub of his laboratory were aimlessly wandering, all waiting for their turn on each floor to be evaluated. But the functions of his hub became distant, a mere fading voice in the back of his head. The streets were much different. The heels of his shoes became loud pounds on the cement. It accompanied commands, ordering him to return to his dome that rested at the peak of the laboratory. He shook his head once more, his hair falling from its slicked-back form and covering the corners of his glasses. His arms curled around his figure, biting down on his lip to stop himself from calling out the voice in his head. The people who passed by him paid no mind; going about their days as if he were a nameless stranger with a happiness far beyond his reach. They all took solace in a perfect yet illusory world, yet he continued to soldier on alone, facing the true world, fraught with pain and sorrow. His own sleepiness had worn off, and he had come to his senses by the time the sun fully appeared from behind the towering buildings. Its light reached a gravestone that had sunk into the soft soil, giving it the appearance of shrinking. The engraved words, faintly weathered by months of rain, sat above the level of the ground cover plants that sprawled over the dirt. Takuto planted himself in soaked soil, unfazed by the stains on his white suit. ‘There was no celebration to attend’, he reminded himself. There was merely a fiancé, and the place of where a woman’s life should have never been marked by stone, something so cold and immobile. ‘Perhaps a tree with a chime in the branches could do you more justice, or a simple song sung into the wind.’ Takuto found himself smiling at the thought, his eyelids falling for a moment. However, a frown formed over his smile. ‘Each day I try, but I cannot feel your skin next to me.’ No words left his lips, but if there were, it would have been all bones and broken glass. It would have been like in his dreams, sliced with scissors upon waking up. Takuto weaved his hands through his hair like a noose, sighing as he opened his eyes to meet the gravestone — ‘Dreaming is a pastime, not a place.’ It all happened as his watch silently ticked. With every day, every hour, and every minute, the clock inched closer to the death of the day. Lost in his morning routine, its ticking held no more significance than a sunrise. Takuto’s body had only stopped trembling whilst he raised himself from the soil. Now, only his hands quivered. He hoped the world would let him at least feel his hands and feet while it stole the breath from him. Takuto perched his tongue on his cracking lips, feeling a sense of sorrow. He was slipping away from the arms of the world, and he was no longer feeling his fingers there. The people marched on, going about their daily lives engrossed in happiness underneath the golden light. Takuto watched them smile, exclaiming in joy at the day’s newest blessings, embracing themselves as they bustled about. Slowly, the streets were far less compact as most of the people had gone home to rest. All was now quiet. It would not be long until the commotion would begin again. It would not be long until the sun had set and all would be calm once more. It would not be long until another day was lost and he would remain on the pedestal his mind created. An overcast had covered the sun, turning the day dim and somber. Yet, amidst the fading commotion, no sound reached his ears. Although he could touch the glass he was encased in, silently watching as the world flowed on by, he couldn’t feel the people through it. There he stood in front of the door, the divide between him and the world beyond. Takuto had returned to the hub, trapping himself within his messy room at the peak of the laboratory, his neck crooked and his body stiff. His palm glued to the doorknob, deeming it impossible to part with it. He remained in a daze, frozen and unflinching. It was the stillness that he had come to know throughout his patience, waiting for someone to barge through those doors and free him. He stayed that way for a long time, staring down at his feet that met the gap beneath the door. How long became another distant thought, accompanying the many others he was forced to bury for his extreme ideals. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years held no meaning to Takuto. They were all the lines etched into the gold accents of the door. Each one, no matter how many, all lead to the same destination. Takuto mustered the strength to straighten his back and detach himself from the door, his nails leaving yet another line. He approached one of the many windows that formed a dome over his head and peered down upon the empty streets of the city. He reached to touch the glass, faintly, his heart still beating. Above them, all were the stars, and even so, his gaze still drifted to the cemetery. Those same stars, he could see in the corner of his eyes, would shrink alongside him in the winder. Looking to the horizon, Takuto found a comforting sigh. His hand left the glass, and he turned away; soft gold light danced in the shine of his eyes like how the stars danced in the sky. Takuto lay amidst the scattered research paper, he allowed himself to sink in the coldness that embraced him. Today, he alone would watch the sun set in the distance; Maybe, he had never really noticed how beautiful it was. He let his eyes flutter shut, his heartbeats growing louder, more frantic. It had terrified him for the first time he had heard the echoing thuds, the sound ringing through the walls of his mind. The beat skipped at some points, the only anomaly that occurred in each pattern his body produced before stopping to become an endless sound that lasted until he closed his eyes. But the beats hadn’t reached that point, not yet. The beats drowned out the silence that followed after Takuto’s head ceased another train of thought. Takuto pursed his lips, his expression dropping as he buried his face in his arms. The faint glance at his watch merely reminded him that time was malleable; a substance that could be twisted by anyone who desired to. Where he laid now, with the hatred of the gods bearing down on him from above and the fading hope and rebellion of the people he believed he had saved shaking him from below. He bent time to suit his whims, to challenge a fate he could never accept, and he landed in this sickening pattern. A loop where even a thief could never steal its core. Takuto had once wondered what would have happened if he had never messed with time in the first place. If he rejected the offer of a god as blind in ignorance as he was. If he had never taken all the dreams of the people around him and doomed reality to years of blissful suffering. If he had died alongside his fiancée before he could save anyone he thought who needed it. He also had wondered what happened to those thoughts. If they all became buried alongside his own hope. If they became as distant as his many ramblings in the papers strewn around him, to the point they were erased from his mind. For all he messed with time, Takuto had never gained an inkling of how it functioned. “Maybe,” he eventually whispered, the faint wisp of his voice absorbed and disappeared before it could bounce from the windows. Maybe the next day he wouldn’t visit her grave and receive the comfort he desperately needed. Maybe he wouldn’t bury himself in his research and enjoy the fireworks festival happening the day after. Maybe he would forget his duty sworn to him, and get to see the world expand. Maybe in another time he could forget the pain he laced, forget the feel of his body twisting and breaking in grief. Maybe he could forget how the unfamiliar, scary feel of his calloused hands, or his golden mask, grew more familiar than his own skin. Takuto laced his fingers together, squeezing his hands as he let his eyes slide closed tightly. A heavy breath in, a heavy breath out. The watch on his wrist grew heavier and heavier, yet he resisted the urge to toss it away. He could wait, he had the time. And then suddenly, his surroundings grow silent. You can also read this story on AO3.
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wild_selenite_caffeine
Jun 24, 2022
In Short Stories
Pairing: Takuto Maruki x Zenkichi Hasegawa (HaseMaru | Persona 5) Words: 344 Summary: Takuto found himself saying his confession to Zenkichi. “I don’t want to rush this, I’ve been waiting a long time for this moment, so let me be able to take my time being with you.” Zenkichi blinked, staring at Takuto in a daze. How long have you been hiding your pain? was what he wanted to ask, but the words crumbled and dried before he parted his lips to speak. He had been hiding his own grief for years, to the point he had been blinded once or twice by the rage of losing the woman he vowed to spend his lifetime with through the light and dark. At another point, divinity tempted him; that it could bring back the world he desperately desired in exchange for his freedom. The Inspector's lonely heart tried to seek company, it hoped the world held some love for normalcy. And before him, there it was in the form of a man he so happened to come across by fate. He was never one to crave attention until he tasted Takuto's. And yet it felt all so baffling; the most beautiful part of it all was that Takuto wasn't even looking when he encountered Zenkichi. The dark grey eyes that continued to stare held everything his own heart thirsted for—Zenkichi was enough. A thousand times enough. “…Why didn’t I accept a god’s offer back then?” Takuto had voiced out the lingering question in both of their minds. “Because there was someone who made me realize that despite having everything, nothing could bring back a lover from the dead.” He let out a heavy breath, stopping himself from releasing sobs building up in his chest. “Then… let’s spend the rest of our lifetimes together.” Zenkichi made a small smile, reaching down and holding Takuto’s hands. He raised his head and beamed down at Takuto, who stared up with glossed eyes. They caught a glimpse at the other's heart and saw there were both filled with holes. “If some god wants to tear us apart, we shouldn’t let them without fighting for every ounce of our freedom.” You can also read this story on AO3.
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wild_selenite_caffeine
Jun 23, 2022
In Short Stories
Pairing: Takuto Maruki x/& Zenkichi Hasegawa (HaseMaru | Persona 5) Words: 900 Summary: Takuto longs to find where his heart beats and hold it so tight it seems to stop. Meanwhile, Zenkichi always thought the younger man that abruptly came into his life was nothing short of odd. Zenkichi always thought the younger man that abruptly came into his life was nothing short of odd. His newfound partner and criminal profiler was sympathetic, with a bit of patience; alert and quick to pick up even the most minute of details from mere images. Unlike his other coworkers that stirred up frustration and annoyance far too often. There was also an anxious feel about him when he first came at Zenkichi’s doorstep to work on his first few cases, the fragility he had not yet learned to fully conceal. A man quite impulsive, imperfect really, even in Zenkichi’s eyes hardened by the heavy years in the force. From the second he stepped into the Hasegawa home, Zenkichi almost dropped everything to helped him be as comfortable as possible. He helped him unpack, oriented him about the work they were going to do, and acquainted him with the few rooms and hallways in the small home for three. It was as if a new warmth had entered the home after the months after the summer, one that Zenkichi could vaguely recall as the same as when his late wife was still present. Akane, his daughter, even agreed with him, as he found her smiling happily in her sleep before he and his partner started to work on the case files. The former counselor was starting to fit nicely, even if he was a bit nervous in being accepted rather quickly. Well, he seemed to be fitting in as seamlessly as Zenkichi thought. Weeks, almost a month had passed by before Zenkichi grew concerned of the increase of visits unrelated to work. And to add to his own increase of curious, confused questions as to why, the young man never bothered to speak a word of it. Avoidant, he noticed, how the former counselor dodged his questions and averted his worried eyes. Just as he once did when he couldn’t face Akane, when the household was nothing more than a cold tomb, a reminder of what had been lost to cruel fate. Zenkichi had stepped away from the dinner table for a moment, paying the deliveryman at the door for the food he ordered. A soft, strangled noise came as he returned. His feet froze, unable to move from the small wall that separated him and the young man. Zenkichi’s gaze drifted to the side, eyeing down at the small paper bag with three bowls of ramen and a small pack of apple juice boxes. Strands of his hair fell in front of his eyes, casting his eyes in a dark grey hue. He had almost forgotten to breath, stopping as the noise brought forth more memories of a harsh winter. The rumble in his head forced him to move, taking small steps into the warm light that glowed and engulfed the dinner table in golden light. “H-Hey,” Zenkichi cleared his throat, quietly breaking through the noise. The slightly huddled shape wrapped in a white sweater stopped shaking, the noise ceasing in its wake. “Z-Zen…! Sorry about that…” The thin clear stains ran down his cheeks, dripping on to his neck. Slowly, his arms once wrapped around himself faltered, falling to his sides. Zenkichi planted himself in the soaked soil in Takuto’s eyes, in the depths of a grief he was all too familiar with. The broken man’s words were all bones and broken glass. Zenkichi stepped closer, moving the files to set the bag on the table. A simple wrong move; the floor creaked below him, causing Takuto to jump. An angel surrounded by pins and needles, soft brown eyes swallowing clouds. “Sorry…! My bad,” Zenkichi stepped away, keeping the small distance between him and the other man. He frowned, looking down at Takuto, whilst the dust of the seasons resting on his cheeks. The cloudy skies still reflect the way they both felt inside; the rumbling in Zenkichi’s head reminded. “…You don’t have to be alright.” He sighed, “I have to get through the rest of this, though.” Takuto’s arms wrapped around his figure again, gripping the soft cotton snow fabric on his body. If he were to close his eyes, perhaps, the clouds would part their way and he could forget it all existed. However, something in the back of his head decided otherwise. Takuto shook his head, breathing heavily and turning to meet a gentle warmth. The realization that the other man was hugging him brought new tears in his eyes; barely able to breathe, crying once more. ‘This is what i feared the most. This moment right here. The transition between having something and having nothing but regret. And it’s happening right now, right in front of my eyes.’ Takuto wanted to pour out. The light above them danced in the shine of his eyes like how the stars danced in the sky. ‘I saw her in your eyes, a love I thought I could only bring back in my dreams. As I reach back and feel your heart still beating, above us are the same stars I once had with her.’ Still, Takuto’s mourning was hushed, as if he was worried that if he made too much noise the walls might cave over into him. But Zenkichi grasped him tighter, as if Takuto would melt away if he were to let go. The young man’s heart long broken cried, and Zenkichi took it, transformed it into gold. You can also read this story on AO3.
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wild_selenite_caffeine
Jun 23, 2022
In Short Stories
Pairing: Takuto Maruki x Zenkichi Hasegawa (HaseMaru | Persona 5) Summary: Zenkichi Hasegawa's first impressions on Takuto Maruki brought comfort, rather than coming across as a shady detective. Words: 683 The man before him bore a set of rimless glasses with a square narrow frame, behind them being dark grey irises that glimmered a glint of teal. They lingered on Takuto, blinking ever so often to break the silent stare. "Do you need something...?" Takuto's eyebrows furrowed, hair falling in front of his own brown eyes. Although his words were stern and wary, his voice gave away his concern, curiosity. He wondered the many reasons the Inspector had been following the group, however, there was another, more pressing thought. 'Why do your eyes fall back to me, when you have done nothing but sought out the teenager that piqued the law's interest once more?' The question merely brought a sigh to Takuto's mind. “…your companion," Zenkichi—the name almost slipped past his mind—had answered the teenagers' panicked inquiries. Takuto's gaze cleared and his ears returned to the conversation, departing from his mind. Again, Zenkichi looked back at Takuto, and this time, the full intensity of his gaze was on him. “Sorry, didn’t catch your name.” Takuto's hands hovered for a long moment, freezing in place over his chest. A deafening silence blanketed his mind. No trains of thoughts rumbling through his nerves, nor any questions that tugged his curiosity in all possible directions. Though gently, a memory flourished, blooming with pristine white petals that gave ease to his body. His voice flowed, words strung in a gentle, awkward greeting. "Takuto Maruki is my name." "Developing man of never-ending joy," Zenkichi murmured, "If I'm not spewing out random words to rid of this awkwardness, of course." Once more, the silence returned. The words flowed as if it were a gentle stream, despite the appearance of the Inspector. It was quiet enough that he could hear his heart thumping beside his ears. To string words like that gave him a faint sense of nostalgia, threatening to gloss over his eyes and bring him back to— Takuto shook his head, his eyes moving towards the pavement. 'If you have not known about me for as long as the kids, then I can only beg that you may not know how mistaken you are.' He returned to staring up at Zenkichi, a small, wry smile forming. Though, Zenkichi chuckled, returning with a genuine smile. His grey-teal eyes never wavered, his expression maintaining its softness. Takuto blinked, checking if it was there ever since their eyes met moments ago. There was admiration, almost revealing an enamor that rivaled an awestruck lover's. Zenkichi shifted out of that gaze, as swift as it was present. He straightened up, rolling his shoulders slightly whilst the kids had returned to their own conversations over their shared meals. "You may find it hard to believe, but I have a sort of eye for stuff like that. I admit I’m not sure how I know that, but I can feel it...." A few more words followed, almost being captured by the wind in hopes that Takuto wouldn't hear them. "And besides, I'm sure it wasn't just me when I felt there was something holding us back." Takuto swallowed, his throat becoming dry. No words could be strung together to create even a faint melody of his feelings. They were both observant, almost to an extent that it was unhealthy, projecting their thoughts on people who'd rather be free of such ideas. However, before he could even reply to any of Zenkichi's statements, the Inspector had excused himself from the group. He could only presume it was for business matters once more. But in his place was the sound of falling snow, the only noise he was haunted with. It swept away the noise of city streets, the rowdiness of the group of kids discussing their road trip plans. Yet, what had caused him great fear then, had become a soft embrace that wrapped around Takuto. He hummed, letting his smile become loving. It was in such a way that made him hopeful, to accompany the group in hopes of meeting the man again. 'Maybe my name still holds some truth to it, right?' You can also read this story on AO3.
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wild_selenite_caffeine
Jun 23, 2022
In Poems
i'll always remember that there are people and things that are better to lose and let go so i can soar high with the colors that fly but in this solitude along with power so terrifying in the unknown there was love evermore yearning to see you smile even if the reason is no longer me This poem is also posted on my Tumblr, for the Sapphic June poetry challenge.
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wild_selenite_caffeine
Jun 22, 2022
In Poems
there were nights when sleep plays coy, aloof and disdainful it toys with a wounded pride and it all becomes much more painful in this small nest, crafted with leftovers and luxuries i remain awake burdened with thoughts revolving around you This poem is also posted on my Tumblr, for the Sapphic June poetry challenge.
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wild_selenite_caffeine
Jun 22, 2022
In Poems
i had so much love to give and i had a place to call home i poured it all, and i realized the more i cared, the more i had to lose then the house was empty, and i can hear our voices bouncing off the walls; i gave so much of myself and now i lay sprawled, left behind, tossed aside, forgotten with only so little left in my heart This poem is also posted on my Tumblr, for the Sapphic June poetry challenge.
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wild_selenite_caffeine
Jun 21, 2022
In Poems
laying with the thin sheets in the night i feel the most vulnerable and i feel everything under the moon but i fear it may be too close as i turn over, rest my head on my arm, i only hope featherless wings can carry us my heart beats, but its out of sync with yours memories flood in, cursing me with your name your melodies, now bitter lullabies lull me to cold slumber
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wild_selenite_caffeine
Jun 21, 2022
In Poems
an ocean of thoughts pierced through the eyes losing self in a steady gaze sorrow seeped through every opening dark clouds filled the heart how poetic that emotion should lodge in a place so vulnerable as the throat; how easy to tear out a tender heart with teeth maybe the pain doesn't go away because the lessons have yet to be learned
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