Title: If Only
Word count: 1159
No warnings needed
Created for tropetember: Pining
Every day I sat across from the window in the library. Everyday I stared at the boy with the white hair who sat by the window. It was easy to pretend I was staring outside instead of at his face. His pale light complexion was so different from my brown bleak hair and eyes. I wished he would look at me and tell me my eyes sparkled…the way I thought of his eyes. All I could do was sit in a drab uniform that made me feel worse about myself every time I put it on. He dazzled in the plain provided clothes and I never knew how.
I was supposed to be studying but my books had little pictures of doodles between the paragraphs of notes. It was his face of course. Would I have called it love? I don’t know. I didn’t know him, I just wanted to. If I could have just built up the confidence to say something to him then maybe things would have been different. I looked down into my books and saw my incomplete work. When I looked back up at the window with his seat he wasn’t sitting there and for some reason that shook me up. I looked around spinning my head only to give up to the fact that I’d probably missed my chance once again.
“Hey is this seat taken?” The white hair that looked more blond out of the light was falling over the eyes of a boy standing over me. He motioned at the chair next to me “May I?” It was him. Window boy was talking to me! I nodded my head and shyly ducked my face into my work book as he sat down. He pulled out a book from his backpack “ The window was just uh…well the light was annoying me so I came here” he scratched the back of his head smiling. I was an absolute starstruck giddy little girl at that moment. I kept feeling blush creep up my cheeks and all I was doing was managing to talk to him “ Yeah! This tables great, it’s out of the light and kind of dusty but great!” I tried not to but I kept letting out small shaky laughs. He just smiled back at me and we both continued with our studies.
Eventually the clock on his watch struck 4:30 which meant it was time for him to leave. I would only leave at 5:00 so I couldn’t walk with him but somehow the small action of being closer to him was noteworthy enough for me to dream about it the rest of the day. He dropped a pencil on the ground as he packed his things to leave. I reached down to grab it for him in hopes of being noteworthy in his mind too. I touched the pencil and his cold hand touched mine. I couldn’t breathe. All I wanted was to bravely hold his hand but that was something I saw to be unattainable. Confidence was not my forte. The most I could do was not pull my hand away.
He unwrapped my fingers and took the pencil from my hand, our fingers brushing. “Thanks…” He wouldn’t look me in the eye, he just put the pencil in his shirt pocket. I ducked my hand under the table holding it with my other “No problem…I guess it’s goodbye then.” He slung his backpack over his shoulder “Goodbye then” he waved with his free arm and made his way to the library exit. If only he had known then how my heart beat faster than my thoughts but maybe it was best that way.
He swiftly turned around and called to me “My name is Oren!” I called back “I’m Serena!” A heap of glares from other students trying to study quietly were all directed at us so we gave a small wave each and he apologised softly as he left. I wish he could have stayed longer however we most likely would have just continued sitting in silence. I’d never forget him because Oren was my first love…the white haired boy at the window stole my young heart so easily.
I softly murmured a few apologies to the students that had been around me in the library who I had disrupted when shouting my name out to the girl I shared a table with that day. Usually I sat at the window across from her but I had finally gathered the confidence to sit next to her and blurt out a few sentences. It was nice just being near her. Serena was what she said her name was and I’d never forget it. Her glossy long brown hair and sparkling eyes caught my attention the very first day I walked into the library when I moved schools. I wished I had the confidence to tell her how beautiful her eyes were but I thought it may have come off weird…I wonder if she ever thought about me.
When I reached the library exit I turned back to look at the girl who had her nose buried in her books furiously scribbling away. (Meanwhile Serena had been doodling more pictures of Oren’s face) What an interesting girl I thought. My friend was waiting for me just outside the exit and gave me a wave standing until i made my way to him. “Ready to catch that movie?” He pulled two glossy tickets from his pockets waving them around. I plucked one from his hand “Ofcourse I am Ray! We’ve been waiting forever.” Satisfied Ray smiled but he still had one more question “So did you get a chance to talk to that girl today?”
I grabbed the back of my neck shyly “Well…yeah I did and her name is Serena!” Ray turned to stand next to me, giving me a pat on the back as we walked toward the sidewalk. “Finally, it took you long enough” He laughed and I joined in. “Yeah I know but it was worth it…I just don’t know if I’d be able to do it again” I let the sigh escape my mouth. When her hand touched mine earlier I had to look away to hide my red face. When I asked for the seat next to her I was scared she would find me weird. It’s funny how someone can control all those emotions. I pulled the pencil from shirt pocket that was the cause of her hand touching mine earlier and rolled it around in my hand. I silently said in my mind to the pencil “Thank you” even though I felt a tad stupid doing so. No matter what I’d never forget the girl with the sparkling eyes names Serena…I’d never forget my first love.
“If only I had the confidence to tell them how I felt” was a thought that echoed through both their minds countless times
*squeals* omg omg omgggg this has me weak-